Blair Betrays Balkenende (Pulp Non-Fiction)
| | Opinions | 03 June 2003 |
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Author: M.H.J. van den Berg
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'The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil man...' (Ezekiel 25:17 as the hitman recalls it) | |
From: Jan Peter Balkenende, Prime Minister of the Netherlands
To: Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Dear Tony,
Hi there, remember me? I was sitting next to you on the golf cart of Mr Berlusconi when I asked him why in Italy the pizza marinara never comes with anything on it. In fact, I still don't understand why he laughed at me. Where I grew up it comes with seafood on top. But oh my God, that guy gets away with anything, doesn’t he? I know you like Italy a lot. Well, I know why now!
Anyways, I am writing to you because I am a bit upset. Yes, and I am sorry to say so, because I have always liked you a lot. Even more so, when I found out that you are not really a socialist but, in fact a Christian, like me! I was so happy to hear that we share the same norms and values after all.
So, can you imagine how I feel now that people are saying that you are a liar. It’s like, well, I don’t know how to say it. I suppose I hope it is not true. Because, you know, I always say that you have to take your responsibility. I mean, in the face of God and our Queens, of course, but also to the people. We have a duty after all.
Now, I believed you, you know. I mean about the weapons of Saddam. Well, I must confess, I was not so sure about the 45 minutes you mentioned. I mean, would he really have been able to strike at us so fast? It takes me already more than an hour to get out of The Hague after a cabinet meeting. But anyways, I did trust you for trusting Mr Powell about the weapons. I remember seeing the picture of that truck he showed us. I thought, God, that is not just some truck. It was all very convincing, you know, like a revelation almost. At least, that is what my colleague, Mr Earling, said.
And, you know, if it had been up to us, our country would have been more than willing to join the coalition. Not that Mr Bush noticed anything because we got that lieutenant on CNN just at the right moment. Yes, yes, we are not as dumb as we look! But as you know very well, you have to take the opinion polls into account. So we took our responsibility, went for a compromise, and put the rest in the Dutch oven, so to speak (we call that a ‘doofpot’, very convenient, indeed!).
But now it seems that you have betrayed my faith. Maybe that’s my problem, you know. I also believed that this gay guy (you know the one that got shot during the Dutch elections last year) really said what he thought, and did what he said. And not just him but also his followers, although they did not quite look like true believers. But then, I always assume that we are all shaped after His image - especially the lovely Ms Schuurman, of course. (you should get to know her, she's like a spice girl with a brain). It is just that the path of the righteous man is not always that straightforward, I guess.
Anyways, let me just say that I hope your spin will not bounce back on you. If it does, I am afraid I have to take my responsibility. So I hope that you don’t take offence when I publicly declare on NOVA (that's a TV show like the Weakest Link but then without any difficult questions) that you were wrong about Saddam’s 45 minutes. I mean, nobody buys that in my country. So I will have to tell the truth and say that you knew, in fact, all along that it would have taken Saddam at least an hour to destroy us all--not just 45 minutes.
Yours truly,
Jan Peter (JP for short)
Published on 03 June 2003 by RISQ
© M.H.J. van den Berg | www.risq.org
All rights reserved.
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